How are you feeling today?
by OrganicAppleJuice
Summary: Years since Kurt and Blaine last saw each other. Blaine is struggling in life and has to go see a therapist… He gets a shock when they meet and we discover the story of how Kurt and Blaine's relationship fell apart. I'm no good at summmary's...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions for the way this is going to go.**

**Thanks to my pal Beth for editing and helping even though shes super busy.**

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><p>"Anger management," Blaine mumbled to himself, "this is fucking ridiculous."<p>

The receptionist had sent him through and he was now staring at a door willing his self to knock.

The building he was in was pleasant enough and no one would assume he had come here for therapy. It was on a quiet street, well as quiet as uptown New York gets, mingled in between offices and a few shops.

He knocked.

"Come in." a muffled voice answered through the door.

Blaine walked in, head down. He really did not want to be here. What were they thinking telling him he needed help? What on earth is he going to talk about with some judge mental stranger anyway?

His thoughts were disrupted by the sound of a pen drop and a gasp.

He looked up. You had to be kidding. No way could this happen.

He found himself staring into the most beautiful eyes he'd seen in a long time, eyes he could not and would not forget. He was staring into the eyes of Kurt Hummel.

"Fuck." Blaine cursed.

"Blaine?" Kurt said "What are you doing here?"

"You mean what was I doing here? I'm not staying." Blaine turned, walked out the door and gave it a slam.

Kurt stood; shocked and silent. What the hell had just happened?

When Kurt's brain finally started working again he went to his desk to check his appointments and schedules. He was looking for anything with Blaine's name on it. How had he been so unprepared?

He found Blaine's referral form hidden under his diary and mixed in with some other bits of paperwork. By the looks of it Blaine had been referred from work, an accountant he was. Kurt thought that this was so far from the dream job Blaine had wanted when he was younger, but then again so was his own. He read on and saw that Blaine had had a few issues in work, he'd had weeks of absence due to depression and had flipped out at his boss and co-workers on more than one occasion. Kurt thought he was lucky to still have a job; he must be good at it.

Outside Blaine was shaking with anger his fists balled up. He took a few breaths and then took out a cigarette and lit it. He shouldn't be here.

When he had first moved to New York he had spent months looking for Kurt and here he was hiding out as a shrink! He was never going back there again. He took a few pulls of his cigarette and then stamped it out. He didn't even enjoy smoking; he did it out of habit.

He walked the few blocks home feeling angry and mildly embarrassed. He unlocked his door, took off his coat and grabbed his guitar. Music was the one thing that calmed him down, but all it did today was remind him of Kurt and the way they used to be.  
>He played for a while, strumming chords and gently singing the lyrics he had wrote for Kurt all those years ago.<p>

Don't you want the way I feel?

Kurt had wanted Blaine.

Don't you want the way I feel?

They had been so in love.

Don't you want the way I feel for you?

Things change.

Whilst lying in bed that night Blaine came to some decisions about his life; firstly he needed to stop smoking, secondly he needed a shave and thirdly he wanted Kurt back in his life.


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine's sleep had been unsettled, it usually was. He was constantly tired but unable to get a decent night's sleep. He supposed being tired contributed to his anger.

He willed himself to get out of bed; kicking off his duvet he felt the cold air hit his body. He sat on the edge of his mattress and ran his hands through his hair and down his face stopping on his chin. Feeling the course hair he decided that first on the agenda today was that shave.

Blaine headed to the bathroom, undressed and turned on the shower. He washed his hair; it was a lot longer than it used to be. Blaine wondered what Kurt had thought of him yesterday with his stubble and wild gel free hair. Maybe he should put a haircut on his list of things to do as well. He couldn't help but give a little laugh at his older self, all that gel couldn't have been good for him. After finishing in the shower he dried himself off a little and wrapped the towel around his waist. He leaned against the sink and looked at the mirror above. The lack of sleep was definitely showing its effect now and he had dark circles under his eyes. He ran water in the sink and began his shaving routine. 

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><p>Kurt slid himself out of bed trying his best not to wake up James. In all honesty he didn't even know why he was here. I guess you could call James Kurt's boyfriend, but Kurt would prefer it if you didn't. They had been seeing each other for about 2 months now, Kurt had enjoyed his company in the beginning but now he wished he'd just leave. James isn't particularly bad, he isn't particularly anything and that is Kurt's problem. James is boring.<p>

When he had got home from work last night he was feeling confused and a little lonely. His journey home had been filled with past memories of Blaine and he found himself wanting company. That's when he had asked James to come round and immediately regretted it.

He had no intention of telling him about Blaine so he made up some lame excuse about missing his dad.

Kurt tiptoed around and got ready for work.

He wondered if yesterday might have been his only chance to see Blaine. He hoped it wasn't. 

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><p>When Kurt walked into the office that morning he was met by Sugar the receptionist. Sugar seemed like a normal girl with brown hair and big brown eyes. She had a few downfalls though. She was an exceptionally awful singer but sang to herself constantly and made up her own theme tunes and she was also very nosey. When Kurt had first got the job here she hadn't left him alone for weeks, she has this desire to know everything about everyone. So when Kurt saw that smile she was giving him he knew it was going to be a long day.<p>

"So, what the hell happened yesterday?"

"You know what it was, just some new guy in denial, it happens all the time. No big deal okay Sugar?"

"Sure Kurt. Just some guy, some guy who happens to storm out your room mumbling about how much you've changed and how stupid this situation was. Yep, now that you mention it, they all do that."

All Kurt could do was glare at her. Sugar had a proud smile on her face like she had just uncovered the story of the year. She sat at her desk and started filing her nails, but stared at Kurt willing him to continue.

"The guy has a problem, which is why he's here. Maybe I just remind him of someone." Kurt tried, he knew she wouldn't buy it but he didn't give her the chance to say anything else as he walked away into his office.

Blaine's appointment wasn't until next week, if he even turned up that was. So when Kurt had a call from Sugar asking if he had any time to speak to a client, he was extremely surprised when his name was Blaine Anderson. 

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><p>"Send him in." Kurt told her.<p>

Kurt had all of sudden became very nervous, butterflies had started floating inside him and his palms were sweaty. Blaine shouldn't have this effect on him. Not after all these years. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He would handle this professionally.

There was a knock on the door.

Blaine stood there, holding his breath.

"Come in."

Blaine entered; he looked more put together than their previous meeting Kurt thought. Clean shaven and hair styled. He looked presentable but Kurt had to admit he did rather like the rugged look he had been sporting the day before.

Blaine broke the awkward silence.

"Hey."

"Hey."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey all you lovely people, I have an idea were this is going but if you have any ideas then you should review and they could happen. I'm not a writer but I do enjoy this and I hope at least some of you do to. Thanks for taking the time to read, it makes me all happy :)**

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><p>"So, um. I guess I wanted to apologise about yesterday." Blaine started.<p>

"It's ok. I guess I was probably the last person you were expecting."

The silence settled again and they shared a few glances.

"I called into work, I have the day off. I wondered if we could start our sessions today?"

"Are you sure? I mean I can get you another therapist if you'd like? It might be easier for you?"

"I'll stick with you…unless you have any problem with that?"

"No, I'm fine with it; shall we take a seat then?"

Kurt gestured towards a couch and chair on one side of the room. Blaine settled on the couch while Kurt went and collected a notepad and a pen.

When Kurt joined Blaine he was fidgeting with a loose bit of cotton from his top. Everything about his situation was awkward.

This time it was Kurt who broke the silence.

"So Blaine, I read your referral from work and it seems that you will be coming for therapy twice a week, every week. Will that be a problem?"

Blaine shook his head and Kurt took this as a sign to continue.

"I specialise in cognitive behavioural therapy and in our sessions we will attempt to change your thought processes to help gain control over your anger and cope with depression. We will also be discussing the trigger factors and any relevant issues in your life that may have contributed to you feeling this way. Anything you tell me will be kept confidential unless I feel the information has to be shared; this will only be if I feel that you or people around you are at harm."

Blaine nods in understanding.

"I think you would also find it useful to take part in a group anger management session alongside our own. It's not mandatory but if you would like to give it a try I can organise that for you."

"Whatever."

"I think that's everything I need to say, do you have any questions?"

Kurt stared at Blaine expectantly, waiting for Blaine to ask something, anything. It seemed like an age before Blaine had decided on a question.

"Do you know how long I'll be here for?"

"Until I feel the sessions are no longer needed, until then you must attend all agreed sessions and inform myself and your employer if you are unable to make it. If you do miss a lot of our sessions, I'm not sure how safe your job is."

"Right."

"Anything else?"

"No."

"So then, shall we begin?" Kurt asked.

Kurt leaned back in his chair.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Ok."

"Would you like to elaborate?"

"No."

Kurt jotted something down on his pad.

"Why don't we start off with work, tell me about it."

"It's ok I suppose. It pays the bills."

"Does it make you happy?"

"No. Does this make you happy?"

Kurt didn't answer. This didn't feel right. Sitting in a room with Blaine trying to get him to open up, it felt like he was interrogating him, not trying to help. When they were younger they talked about everything. This felt wrong.

"Listen Blaine, this has never happened to me before. I've only ever worked with strangers. I know this is unprofessional of me to say, but I don't think I can work with you."

"That mean you're gonna leave me again then?" Blaine said. Hurt evident in his eyes.

Kurt was caught off guard. Blaine needed help; it wasn't fair to keep him to his self.

"I'm finding you another therapist." Kurt said.

"Well, I thought we were here to talk about my problems?"

"We are."

"Well I'd say you were a pretty big problem." Blaine's voice was getting louder and louder. "I actually can't even believe you're attempting to treat me like a stranger! You already know more about me than any other therapist would ever find out! And you sit there with your stupid note pad and act like we've only just met!"

Kurt didn't interrupt. On some level he had been expecting this since Blaine had first walked through his door.

"You just fucked off and forgot about me! I fucking loved you and you said you loved me but then you left. That was the only reason I came here. I came for you. But you just stopped listening! You didn't return my calls or emails; your dad wouldn't tell me where you were. I basically just wandered around for 4 months looking for you!"

Kurt snapped.

"I did love you! Don't blame this on me for trying to live my dream!"

"Ha! Some dream this is ey, sitting in a shitty office. This what you wanted? Well I'm glad it didn't work out for you because nothing ever works out for me."

Blaine's anger had been building and building, his voice was getting louder, his fists balled up. For a second Kurt felt scared. Blaine got out of his seat and walked out, Kurt getting a strange sense of déjà vu.

Kurt sat there, tears building in his eyes. This wasn't Blaine. Not the Blaine he had loved for so long, he thought he could help him. But he had thought wrong. Neither of them were the same person they had been back in high school. The tears fell silently down his cheek.

Suddenly the door flung back open and Blaine was back in the room pacing up and down hands in his hair breathing hard. Kurt felt scared again. He stood.

"FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!" Blaine shouted.

"Blaine." Kurt said timidly; almost afraid to get his attention.

Blaine turned and saw the fresh tears rolling down Kurt's cheeks. He stopped pacing. The first thing that came into his head was to go and comfort Kurt, to wipe his tears away and hold him. His hands fell down to his sides.

"Kurt, I. I'm sorry. I just don't know what happened. It's like I black out and when I come back someone has always been hurt. I don't want to hurt you Kurt. I'm sorry."

"I think you should leave, I don't allow my clients to behave like this."

"But Kurt? Have you not listened to a word I said? I don't want you to treat me like a stranger! I'm not just a client, I'm Blaine!" Blaine realised his voice had been getting louder again so he stopped shouting. He looked down at his feet and whispered quietly, "I'm your Blaine."

Either Kurt didn't hear or he chose to ignore it.

"Your sessions finished Blaine; I'll see you Thursday at 10."

Instead of arguing or storming out Blaine looked up at Kurt, nodded and simply just left.

For some reason this had more of an effect on Kurt than the other times Blaine had left. This time Blaine looked, sad. Broken.

Kurt wanted to fix him.

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><p>Blaine entered his apartment with a sigh. He felt something rub against his leg and then work its way between him.<p>

"Hey Sami."

He bent down and stroked the cat between its ears and under its chin.

"Haven't seen you in a few days." Blaine commented.

He made his way to the kitchen whilst shrugging off his jacket. He gave Sami some food and got a beer out the fridge for himself. He wanted a cigarette to accompany his drink but he distracted himself by peeling the label off the bottle. He leaned against the kitchen worktop and took a swig from his beer. He was beginning to think trying to get through to Kurt was a huge waste of time until he realised that Kurt had agreed to their next session.

If Kurt wasn't ready to give up on him then he wasn't going to give up on Kurt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, here's the next chapter, enjoy!** **And please review?**

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><p>"He's here Kurt. Kurt, he's here! Kurrrrrrrrt –"<p>

"Yes Sugar I heard you he's here, send him up."

Kurt hung up his phone and unconsciously fixed his hair. Blaine was late but at least he'd shown. The door opened slightly and Blaine's head popped round, hair messy and the stubble from their first encounter was back.

Blaine argued silently in his head with weather he should apologise for being late or not, but before he got the chance Kurt ushered him in.

"Take a seat."

Blaine sat.

"So I think we need some rules."

Blaine raised an eyebrow. He wasn't a fan of rules.

"First off, I'd really appreciate it if you stopped walking out during our sessions. The receptionist gets some weird kick from it. Secondly, at some point we are probably going to get onto the subject of us. Not just us, but past relationships. I need to know you're going to be ok with me before it's too late to find you someone else?"

"It's fine."

"Right. Ok then. Have you thought any more about the group sessions for your anger management?"

"No."

"Well, maybe it would do you some good?"

Blaine just glared at Kurt.

"How are you feeling today?"

Blaine didn't answer. He slouched down slightly on the couch and started playing with his hands. He didn't look at Kurt until he spoke again.

"Blaine? Would you like to tell me what you're thinking?"

"I'm thinking this is a bit fucked up. What happened to you Kurt?" Blaine stopped playing with his hands and sat up, now leaning forwards to Kurt.

"Excuse me?" Kurt gave a warning look and Blaine tried to explain.

"I mean what is this? What are you doing?"

"I'm doing my job. I'm doing my job to help you save yours."

"I don't give a shit about my job."

"Well maybe you should start to. Is that it then? Had a bad day in work have you?"

Blaine didn't answer. He sighed and went back to his slouched position on the couch. He felt confused. He wanted Kurt to like him but it seemed that everything he said just offended him. He didn't mean the nasty tone when he spoke to Kurt; it just came out like that. Truth is, no matter what he tried to do lately he always ended up in trouble. He felt like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde expect the only one who ever saw his good side was his cat, and a couple of his friends. Everyone else got Dr Jekyll.

Blaine inhaled deeply.

"Kurt, can we start again? I feel like this whole thing is just a big mess. I want to get better, I do. I think I just got scared when I found out it was you and I panicked and now I think we need to fix it cause I like you Kurt and we used to talk all the time and I think it will be good for me so, please?"

Blaine had spoken very quickly and had mumbled some bits but Kurt thought he got the gist of what Blaine was asking. He looked up and saw Blaine blush. Kurt gave a small smile. 'I like you Kurt.' Kurt tried to calm his own reddening cheeks and held Blaine's gaze.

"I think that's the best thing I've heard all day."

"Tell me about yourself."

Blaine was glad he had managed to get his previous words out even if they were mumbled and rushed. At least Kurt knew now he wanted to work at this, at himself. He found it difficult talking about himself but he gave it a go.

"I'm Blaine. I'm 26. I'm an accountant. I have a cat."

"What do you like to do for fun?"

"I smoke. I drink. I have sex with strangers-" Blaine stopped remembering who he was talking to. He cringed at what he'd just said and chanced a look at Kurt who seemed to be slightly pink. He ruffled his hair with his hand and cleared his throat. "I mean, I'm trying to quit smoking, I don't drink that much and I er, I'm single." Blaine had decided that 'I'm single' definitely sounded better than 'I have sex with strangers.'

Kurt trying to remain professional even though he'd suffered a twang of jealousy didn't comment on what Blaine had just said. He moved on to the next question he had for Blaine.

"Tell me about your family?" Even as Kurt said the words he felt Blaine tense. He knew from their relationship that Blaine's family had always been a sore spot. He wasn't exactly expecting the next words from Blaine though.

"I'm Blaine. I don't speak to my mum. My dad's dead." Blaine's voice was controlled but his eyes were unfocused.

"Oh Blaine."

Before Kurt could stop himself he'd practically jumped up from his chair and joined Blaine on the couch. His brain quickly caught up with his actions though and he stopped himself just before he had wrapped his arms around Blaine. He was at work and no matter how much he wanted to comfort Blaine; that was not his job. His job was to speak about the pain in people lives and try and pull them through the heartache.

Blaine's body has tensed when Kurt had sat himself down so close. Their thighs brushed together on the couch and he could smell Kurt's shampoo. The smell of Kurt brought back so many memories of the two of them that tears welled in his eyes. Blaine hadn't cried in years. He hadn't cried when his dad died. He hadn't cried when his mother basically disowned him. He hadn't cried over the countless auditions that never lead anywhere. But Kurt, well his body had decided was worth crying over.

Kurt saw Blaine's eyes fill to the brim with tears before they rolled down his cheek. He wanted to wipe them away; he did the next best thing and offered Blaine his handkerchief.

"I didn't know you were so close." Kurt said, remembering all the times Blaine would talk about how he wished his dad would take notice of him.

"We weren't. You know what he was like Kurt." Blaine paused and wiped his tears away before beginning again, Kurt assuming the tears were for his dad. "He didn't even acknowledge my existence, I mean maybe if he had even been mad or abusive or anything I would have actually known he cared about me. But he didn't even pretend I was alive. Once id told them I was gay I lost my dad forever. He was already gone. When he died I guess he was just gone for everybody else as well."

There was a silence for a while, Kurt wanted Blaine to continue speaking, and he didn't want to interrupt if Blaine was willing to talk.

"I mean, I had already gone through the pain and the grief of losing my dad before he was even dead but my mum. Well, she blamed me. The coroners said it was an aneurysm caused by high blood pressure, caused by stress, caused by me." Blaine sat silent. The smell of Kurt was now calming him and he longed to be wrapped up in his arms.

Looking at Blaine like this did things to Kurt that he wasn't pleased about. He wanted to make Blaine feel safe, to hold him. To tell him it wasn't his fault. He wanted Blaine to know he had someone who loved him. _Loved him._Kurt stood up suddenly. He shouldn't feel like this. It's been years and years. He couldn't let himself fall for Blaine all over again. He had been so hurt after what had happened…

Blaine looked a little confused as to why Kurt had suddenly hopped up from by his side but he decided not to comment.

"Can I go?"

"Are you sure? You still have a little longer left?"

"No. I want to go. See you next week."

"Bye Blaine, Thank you for today."

Blaine gave a sad smile and wondered what Kurt was thanking him for. Was it for opening up? Or just asking to leave instead of storming out? Whatever it was Blaine felt a little better that at least he hadn't left with Kurt mad at him. He walked out Kurt's offices down the wooden stairs past Sugar and out into the street. He took a deep breath and reached into his pocket to get a cigarette only to realize he doesn't carry them anymore. He felt emotionally drained after his talk with Kurt and decided he needed some cheering up.

And what was he said he does for fun? Blaine smirked and got out his phone.


End file.
